As JC stood in the MTV studio, he tried to remember how he had gotten there in the first place. New York didn't offer him much comfort, especially since Halle was there. Often he debated whether or not to visit Josh while he took care of matters in the Big Apple, but JC couldn't break a promise, and not to Josh anyway.

The guys still hadn't gotten a response from Halle, and they could all see the worry and torture of waiting in JC's face.

"What if something happened to her?" he had blurted out one day while they were in the studio rehearsing for their upcoming promotions tour.

All four guys turned to look at JC, each one staring at him in surprise. They should have been used to the mood he was in, but never once did he voice his problems like that. He had kept to himself a lot since Halle had left him, and they knew that she was the cause of his grief. They didn't know, though, how to help their friend. Helplessly, all they could do was watch and listen.

"JC, you OK man?" Justin inquired, hesitant. He didn't know if JC would bite his head off or if he would just ignore him, but he was concerned for his friend. Either way, the reaction would be unlike the JC they knew, the calm one, who seemed to have everything under control and delighted in life. Then again, JC hadn't been the same since she left. They didn't blame him.

JC shook his head. "She hasn't replied yet. I hope she's all right. I hope they're all right." The worry and fatigue was evident in his voice.

Joey clapped his friend on the shoulder. "She's probably just really busy, Daddy," he tried to reassure him, hoping that his own confident facade would rub off on JC. "You know how successful Halle is. She's probably up to her neck in work."

"Yeah," Lance agreed. "You'll probably be hearing from her sometime this week."

He hoped they were right. In fact, he prayed that they were. He didn't know what he'd do with himself if she didn't respond to the invitation. It would be an answer worse than rejection.

JC was glad for the guys, glad for the friendships he had found in them. He didn't know how he would have survived without their continuing support. Never once did they blame Halle. Of course, she was the source of their groupmate's misery, but they knew that Halle was her own woman, had her own life. To give it up would be a tremendous sacrifice; it would be like Halle asking JC to give up 'N Sync.

"When was the last time you visited?" Joey inquired, breaking JC out of his thoughts. JC looked up at him.

"The day after Josh's birthday, last month, when I went to drop off the tickets," he replied. "He's four now, you know that?" He said it involuntarily, as if it were natural to say such a thing.

Four heads bobbed up and down. Of course they knew. JC only talked about the little boy every waking minute. It was as if JC was his father; he had grown to love the boy as his own. It figured JC would take the little one under his wing. He was the father-figure in the group, keeping everyone in line and on time, thus earning his nickname, Daddy. But now, it extended to something, or rather, someone else too.

"That was last month?" Chris exclaimed. "Man, time flies."

JC couldn't agree. Time was almost at a standstill for him. How could it go so quickly for someone who no longer had any purpose in life?

"Arg! JC," Justin cried out in frustration. "You need to talk to her." He didn't mean to yell at JC, not at all, but he couldn't stand seeing JC in so much despair. It was hurting him just as much to see JC this way as it was hurting JC himself.

The other guys looked at Justin with wide eyes. No one had ever spoken up before, but they all felt the same thing. JC needed to talk to her, to have some contact with her, before JC drove the rest of the guys crazy with his depressing mood. It had been going on since she left. They couldn't take an hour, let alone two months. They hoped it wouldn't go on for too much longer.

"Justin, I can't," JC protested, almost whining. "She left without saying good-bye for a reason. She doesn't want to have anything to do with me." He was firm in his conviction. It was almost as he he believed it himself. Maybe he did.

"Did you tell her, JC?" Lance inquired from across the room, sitting and looking at JC. He folded his arms over his chest.

"Tell her what?" he asked, his face blank as he stared stupidly at Lance, sitting on an armchair nearby the couch he slouched on.

"Oh, come on JC," Chris said in exasperation. "That you love her. Did you tell her?"

He shook his head slowly, a sign. No, he hadn't told her, but primarily because he had only discovered for himself after she had left.

"Why don't you tell her?" Joey said, as if it were that simple. JC wished it was, wished that everything would be perfect if he just told her. But he knew telling her would only be the beginning. Whether the rest was good or bad, he'd probably never know.

"Because it would be pointless," his shoulders sagged. His posture wasn't as upright as it had been before. Anyone who knew JC knew that he had changed, that he wasn't the same person anymore, though he tried to wear amask to fool the world into thinking he was. He wasn't a bad actor, but it wasn't as if it took much to convince the masses. "She doesn't love me. It would just - hurt."

"Doesn't love you?!" Joey cried. "JC, I may not have experienced love for myself despite the many girls who love the Phat One, but Halle really does care for you, no matter what you think."

"Yeah, so does my mom, but it's not killing me being away from her," JC scoffed, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "And my mom has never pulled a stunt like hopping on a plane and leaving without saying good-bye."

"She's had time to cool, JC," Lance explained. "I think it's time you talked to her."

"I can't just go up there."

"Why not?" Justin inquired.

"What about you guys? I have an obligation here, too."

"JC, you just don't want to look like fool because of that whole 'I'm focusing on the music' thing you said," Chris pointed out. Ever since Halle had left, that is what he had been saying, trying to explain the reason he seemed so driven to be alone in the studio all the time. What he really wanted was time to himself, lots of it, and the studio provided that. Sure, occasionally he came out and tried to act like the JC everyone knew, but once in a while he got tired of pretending. And the studio was his answer: soundproof, tearproof, secretproof.

"Actually, I just don't want to look like a fool in front of Halle," JC corrected. He didn't care if he looked finicky and changed his mind.

And never before had the four guys wanted to hit JC more than they did then.

"We need the vacation, JC. We'll be fine," Joey insisted.

"And this is coming from the guy that still wears Superman pajamas," JC scowled. He was cornered; there was no escaping these four guys.

Justin got a gleam in his eye. JC didn't like it as soon as he saw it. Justin looked over at Lance and over a Chris. It took them a second and he mouthed the word: TRL. Suddenly they all knew what he was talking about. Now JC was terrified.

"What?" he asked, looking back and forth between his best friends. "What?!" he asked louder when they didn't answer him.

They still didn't answer him, but Justin spoke. "You know guys... I think I want to get some publicity for the album release. What d'ya say?" He pretended to contemplate his idea as did the others. JC had no idea what was going on. He looked frantically over at Joey, but he seemed to be the only one besides JC that did not have any iota what their three bandmates were up to. Joey however seemed to be stung from JC's comment and was heavily engrossed in a magazine he was reading.

"You know, Justin," said Chris. "That might not be a bad idea. Our public needs to know about this. Right Lance?"

"Right," agreed Lance. "We need something big though. That's broadcasted nationally so we can get the word out in a short time. I wonder..."

"Yeah... I wonder..." said Chris.

"Yeah me too," said Justin, following in suit with the other two.

"Ok, nice try guys," said JC. "But you're planning something and I can tell. I smell something fishy."

"You do?" asked Chris as he pretended to sniff the air. "I don't," he said.

"Neither do I," chimed in Justin, doing the same as Chris had.

"Me neither," said Lance.

"Guys!" JC exclaimed.

"What?!" Justin asked, pretending to be innocent. "Your nose must be outta whack or something cause we don't smell anything."

"Aha!" exclaimed Lance suddenly. "I got it."

"Do you?" asked Chris silkily, not even trying to pretend surprise.

"Yup," answered Lance with a grin. "I got just the place."

"Broadcast nationally, Lansten?" asked Justin, still playing the innocent.

"Yup."

"Watched by millions?" piped up Chris.

"Yes sir."

"Tuned..." started Justin.

"Oh, just tell us what the friggin' place is already!" yelled JC at Lance. "You obviously all know what it is!"

"Patience, patience dear Joshua!" scolded Chris. "As someone older, I'd like to remind you of your manners. It is impolite to interrupt people. Wait your turn. JC's sorry, Justin. Would you like to answer his question, Lance?"

JC bit back words.

"Thank you, Chris," Lance accepted. "I think we should make a guest appeareance on TRL."

"In New York?" asked Chris like a little kid.

Lance laughed. "Yes, Chris, in New York."

"New York?" asked JC stupidly.

"Yes, JC, New York," confirmed Lance again.

"I'm not going there!"

"Why not?" questioned Justin. "You go there all the time to visit Josh."

"I go there occasionally," corrected JC. "And I plan it myself, thank you. I know what you're doing."

"What are we doing?" asked Lance.

"Lance, I think your hair color is getting to you because I know you aren't as dumb as that. You know what you all are doing and I don't appreciate it! I don't want to see Halle. Didn't I make myself clear?"

"Don't want to see Halle or can't see Halle? There's a difference," asked Chris.

JC grumbled. "Ok, can't see Halle. That doesn't change the fact that I won't go."

"JC!" exclaimed Justin. "Stop being so stupid! You need to see her before you drive the rest of us insane! You're an idiot! A blubbering idiot! Can't you see that you're not helping any of us with your attitude? We're tired of it, JC. You're one of my best friends, but you've got to try to make it better before we slap you silly."

JC moved to open his mouth and say something, but found he couldn't and shut it again. The youngest member of the group was a little ticked and by rite of passage he had the worst temper. Call it growing pains.

Justin sighed and went to sit down in front of JC, sorry for his outburst. "Listen, our new album is coming out in a week because we delayed it for that song you wrote, JC. We really do want to publicize the album, it's good strategy, point blank. Make the fans happy and go on the show with us. If not for yourself, or the album, do it for us, cause we really want you there. You are 'N Sync too and you are our friend. Who knows? While you're in New York, you could swing by and say hi to Josh while Halle's home," Justin explained.

"And what if she kicks me out?" asked JC, whining again.

"And you say that I act like a baby," Chris rolled his eyes. "I have never heard you act more childish than you are now."

JC nodded slowly, knowing the older man was right. He had to snap out of it before the fans would be able to tell.

"So are you going to go or what?" Justin was beginning to get annoyed.

"Yes... no... I don't know," JC moaned.

"I'm calling MTV right now and telling them that we're coming. All of us," said Justin as he walked across the room to the phone before JC could say anything else.

JC had no choice. It looked like he was on his way back to New York, and there was nothing he could do except pack his bags. When the guys had their minds set, they were set. Ain't no way out.

-*-*-*-

"What the hell is this?"

Halle froze just beyond the frame of her apartment door. The door swung to a close noiselessly behind her, but Halle stood stock still eyes wide, hands slightly held up as if in surrender. She had been caught, discovered. Kel found her out, and she didn't look to happy about it, either.

"Oh, they're, uh," Halle stammered, not knowing how to explain herself.

"Halle, these tickets are for this weekend," Kel practically shrieked. "This weekend! I found them hidden under your bed. Don't try and tell me you RSVPed already. I can hear it when you lie." That was a little far-fetched, but Kel knew Halle hadn't RSVPed. Kel knew Halle too well.

"Calm down, just... be calm. It's alright. I'm not even going." Her words were choppy, but Halle was trying to appease her overexcited friend.

"Oh, no, no no," Kel said coolly. "You're going all right, even if I have to tie you to the wing of the airplane. And you're going to call him and tell him that you are coming," Kel said forcefully. It had been a long day. She didn't want to have to do this. Long ago she had learned that her friend had one heck of a hard head, but it was no match for Kel, oh no.

"And since when did you go making decisions for me? Especially about my life?" Halle fired back angrily, her eyes narrowing. She had tried to keep her temper in check when Kel began to flip out at her, but now her buttons were being pushed.

"Since I can't stand to see you throw away the best thing to happen to you since - well - Josh," Kel said tiredly. "I don't want to see you do this, Halle. I hate seeing you miserable."

"I'm fine, Kel," Halle insisted curtly, walking into the kitchen and slamming her purse down on the counter.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that and maybe you'll believe it," Kel said, the sarcasm coating her words and she rolled her eyes and walked right up to the counter. "The rest of us won't, but you will, and that's all that matters in your book, huh Halle?"

"Oh, please. Don't give me that," Halle yelled over her shoulder, disgusted at Kel.

"I don't know why you were the one to leave him. He should have left you a long time ago," Kel continued, leaning over the counter and making her voice as silky sweet as she possibly could. Her words were bitter though, sharp, caustic, and venomous, her eyes narrowed at Halle's figure facing the opposite direction. None of it was penetrating through Halle's thick skull, though, or Halle was pretending not to hear, standing silent before Kel, shoulders unweilding.

"You have no right to talk to me like that." It was the only defense she could use, because deep down, she knew Kel was right. "Especially in my own house."

"It's not my right. As a friend, it's my duty to tell them when they're screwing up," Kel explained.

"Oh, now I'm a screw up am I?" sarcasm edged Halle's voice.

"No, but you are screwing up," Kel corrected.

"I don't have to take this," Halle threw her hands up in frustration.

"So, what? Are you gonna kick me out? Throw me away like you did to everyone else?" Fire blazed in Kel's eyes. She was on a mission, and nothing was about to stop her. "You go right ahead. Now I see what really is the matter with you."

"Oh? And what would that be?" Halle asked as she raised her eyebrow in mock interest.

"Does it matter? You don't listen anyway."

"What do you want me to do then, Kel?" She was tired, tired of fighting and tired of not knowing what to do. She walked slowly to the small table left of the middle of the kitchen. Her shoulders slouched as she sat down, exhausted.

"I want you to call him and tell him you're coming, and then get on the plane and go," Kel said firmly.

"I can't. I can't talk to him right now," Halle said pathetically. She cowered at the idea, almost physically trembled at the notion.

"Any why is that?" Kel demanded.

"Because I'm just not ready." It was true, for the most part. "I can't be rushed. Things were - moving too fast."

"Halle, the boy did not ask you to marry him," Kel tried patiently. "From what I know, he didn't even ask for a commitment. All he wanted was for you to open up and trust him." She moved to sit down at the table across from Halle, sliding out the chair noislessly and lowering herself. She had put it so simply and so accurately that Halle had no way of refuting what she had just said.

"Kel," Halle began weakly, "You know me. You know I just can't do that with anyone, especially with guys."

"But you've gotta try," Kel pleaded. "Halle, he's not just 'any guy.' If you haven't noticed - "

"Oh, pop star. Even better. When he has millions of girls at his beck and call," Halle said cynically.

"Yeah, but have you seen how he doesn't want those other girls, Halle? How he only looks at you? He wants you," Kel tried to convince her best friend. "He cares for you and for Josh so much. I mean, have you seen him with the boy?"

She could only nod her head slowly. She remembered all too well how much Josh loved JC, and how much JC loved Josh. It pained her to think of how she could deprive herself of someone so caring, a great friend at least. But she knew that it was the way things were.

"Listen," her best friend sighed. "Halle, I'm only doing this because I care. You could be so happy with him."

She struggled with her thoughts. "Kel, I don't know if I can put my heart on the line like that. I don't know how to swallow my pride."

"Just tell him the truth, and everything will just flow. That's all he wants, the truth."

"He doesn't love me." Her voice was quiet, almost inaudible, and it wavered ever so slightly. It was then that Kel knew what the real problem was.

"Yes, he does," Kel looked at the ceiling, as if pleading with God for help, for some wisdom to help her ailing friend. "Oh, God he does."

"Has he told you?" Halle's head snapped in Kel's direction, expecting her to answer in the positive. It would be a step.

"He doesn't need to," Kel shook her head. Halle's heart sank just a little, her tiny hopes being dashed. "When JC comes and they play... he looks at Josh with such love that... I don't know how to explain it, but he loves Josh because he's your son. He adores Josh, and when Josh talks about Mommy, his eyes light up."

"Well, of course; I'm his mother."

"I meant JC's eyes," Kel elaborated. To this Halle could not reply. Instead she stared at the tickets that now sat in the center of her kitchen table, just sitting there, still under the Tiffany lamp that hung above.

The two women sat in silence for a long time, Halle trying to decide what to do and Kel praying she'd make the right decision. There was so much to think about, now that Kel had brought it up.

"So?" Kel finally prompted.

"So ... what?" Halle played innocent, trying to buy herself more time to think.

"Halleeeee," Kel sighed, practically whining in exasperation. "About going to the performance?"

"Yes ... no... oh, I don't know," Halle threw her hands up in frustration, then covered her face with them. "Can I have some time to think about it?"

"Well," Kel glanced down at the tickets. "You have until Thursday, 'cause the plane leaves Friday."

"Alright. I.. I'll - give it some more thought."

"Oh, don't worry," Kel said, exiting the kitchen. From the front door she called back to Halle, "One way or another, you are going to talk to him." It was ominous. but Halle had not noticed.

"Maybe," Halle called back to her.

Kel laughed. "See ya later." With the finality of the door slamming shut, Halle was left alone, yet again.

Sighing she went to Josh's room to check on him. She slowly pushed open the door to his room, finding him playing on the floor quietly. Josh was more and more quiet those days, Halle's moods often rubbing off on him. It wasn't healthy for him, and Halle knew she had to change that soon.

"Josh, are you okay, sweetie?" she asked him.

He looked up, his green eyes glimmering sadness in the light. "Did you and Aunt Kel have a fight?" he asked, his voice small. It was then, when Josh had been timid in asking a question he would normally blurt out, that Halle realized everyone had been walking on eggshells around her the whole time.

Halle knelt by her son. "Aunt Kel and I had a fight, yes, but it's all better now," she explained to the little boy. "No need to worry."

"Was it about Blue?"

He was direct at least, and she had to commend him on that. Halle nodded slowly. "How do you know?" she asked, the little one observant.

"Because you're sad like Blue," Josh said.

"When did you see him?" she was shocked.

"I talk to him, Mommy," Josh explained. "He's sad. Like you."

"Yes, the fight was about Blue, but you don't need to worry," Halle forced out a smile. She couldn't let the boy worry. "Everything will be OK."

Halle stood up and walked to the window. She sat down in the rocking chair, staring down at the city below her. It seemed to go by, everyone going to wherever they had to go. Life was happening, going on whether or not she chose to join.

The sky was dark, and suddenly the sky was illuminated by a flash of blinding light. Raindrops began to splatter on the windows, and Josh crawled onto her lap. He curled up against her.

"I love you, Mommy," Josh said, looking up at his mother.

A lump caught her throat. "I love you, too, Josh," she replied hoarsely. Tears filled her eyes, and gently they began to stream down her face, like the rain on the glass.

Dear God, she prayed desperately. I need your help again, please. Please just get me out of this hell. She pulled Josh closer to herself, wondering just when things would get better, and if her heart would ever stop hurting.

-*-*-*-

Her eyes crept around the room and her ears pricked to hear even the softest pang. But the apartment was quiet, as was the bedroom. She had been peeking from behind her ajar bedroom door, careful not to be seen. Now, though, she pulled open the door slowly, praying the hinges would keep their silence. The whole room was engulfed in darkness. It had taken her eyes time to adjust. She had lain in bed, pretending to sleep, closing her eyes though her mind was still quick and very alert. She had lain there, still as a mouse, for an hour. She hoped it had been long enough for everyone to fall fitfully into a sleep that would not lull her.

She felt like a criminal, peeking out of the door and peering into the empty darkness of her living room. It was as though she had something to hide. Maybe she did, time and circumstance had seen to that. She hid a lot of things nowadays and she was ashamed of herself for it. But she could not stop. It was addicting... silently loving JC.

She slipped quietly over to the TV, the plush carpet that lay on the floor muffled her footsteps. She leaned down to the VCR and pressed the power button. As the body of the VCR lit up, she quickly pressed eject. She knew the tape was in there. Josh had been watching it just today. She had fought to keep her eyes away. Until tonight, that is. She had some control. She would need it.

The VCR gave a small mechanical whir as it ejected the tape and she glanced around in fear, thinking that even the smallest noise might awaken someone. "Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry," she chanted under her breath as she held her hand out to grab the tape and slide it out of its slot once it had emerged. She grabbed the tape as the VCR spit it out and clicked the power off. Cautiously, she crept back to her bedroom and shut the door softly.

Her chest let out the breath she had been holding in fair. Safe and sound now, now she could do what she wanted. Quickly, she made her way over to the VCR by her own TV in her room. Just as quietly as before, she slid it in and pressed rewind. As an extra precaution, she had turned the volume to low, though she could still hear. Why couldn't the walls be soundproof?

As the VCR stooped rewind, her finger quickly pressed the play button. She quickly sat back, her eyes fixated on the blue screen of the VCR and she waited for the video to play. She was counting the moments.

The blue screen disappeared in an instant, replaced by a floating girl outside a window looking in. Halle's eyes were riveted on the screen and in the corner, bottom right, were the words: TRL. The picture zapped to the crowd: wild and waving signs. Every member was represented; it was a multicultural gathering of sorts. She wondered how the boys themselves felt about this. It was a very flattering, and a lot more scary. The picture flashed to Carson with his microphone in his hand. He motioned to the camera and walked closer to the window, tapping it. "Can we get a view of down there?" he asked into the microphone. "I know I'm not supposed to, but hey."

The camera once more focused on the screaming sea of girls, waving frantically screaming out sounds that were muffled by the glass windows. Halle imagined they were things like, "Carson, let me up there. I love 'N Sync." They yelled that every time the boys were there. They held signs, some so elaborate that Halle had to wonder if these people had a life whatsoever.

She heard Carson laugh and the camera once again focused on him. "It's pure pandemonium down there." He started waving his hands like a lunatic. "'N Sync, 'N Sync!" he screamed in a high falsetto. The crowd only screamed louder. They thought he was waving at them. Halle rolled her eyes and began to become impatient, waiting for the part she wanted to see most.

"Alright," started Carson. "We are back after our break. You all see the photos from the MTV photo booth?" The camera flashed to the little Polaroids they had taking, smiling, laughing, like the best friends they were. Her eyes involuntarily searched for JC's face. And she found him.

Somehow, it didn't look right. Yes, he was smiling, yes, he was laughing. But instead of joining the others in one big group huddle of faces, he looked like a spectator, leaning his face off towards the other side. His heart was not in this.

The camera focused in once more on Carson. MTV sure knows how to drag this out, she thought to herself and she tried to wait for 'N Sync to appear. "Well, those are our special guests today. They are somewhere in the build..."

Carson's words trailed off suspiciously as he glance out in another direction and a confused glare. The camera quickly followed his gaze and snapped over. Halle couldn't help but burst out laughing, which she smothered with a pillow. There were Justin, Chris and Busta, running around. Well, Justin was running around, making funny faces and seemingly trying to be a ballerina as he twirled around and around. Chris, instead, was teaching Busta to dance the ballet along with Justin. It was hilarious to watch them, they looked so foolish.

The rest of 'N Sync looked on in amusement at their antics, though Joey looked about two minutes from joining them. They seemed to be having a good time doing what normal people would find childish of grown men. But somehow they made it seem alright and comical in a way that would not be the 'ha, I'm laughing at you' routine, but rather the 'ha, I'm laughing with you' one. Maybe it was because they all seemed unembarrassed in their actions, even confident. They were just being playful and they knew it, along with everyone else. It went so far as to be enviable. To let loose as they were doing... how long ago had she simply allowed herself to let go and let be?

"Wow," Carson exclaimed, looking a bit dumbfounded by the sights before him. "You guys really know how to ruin a surprise." But the studio audience, full of fans, cheered as they saw them just behind the sitting area. Carson gave a laugh. "Oh, couldn't keep your audience waiting, could you?"

Chris and Justin stopped suddenly, Chris seizing Busta in his arms. They looked at each other for a minute... and smiled. Halle didn't like that smile, it was cunning. All at once they ran into the aisle between the studio audience separating them into two. That resulted in a round of shrieks and screams. They complied with slick smiles on their faces as they ran into opposing sides of the crowd and plopped themselves down. The camera was confused as to where to focus and after a lot of camera swerving, they finally settled on a wide view of the audience that would show both guys, Justin and Chris, left and right respectively.

She smiled at their cheesy grins. They were sitting out in the studio audience now, their arms around as many girls as they each could handle. The girls, for their part, were eating it up, ecstatic, and a few were hyperventilating, ignoring the looks of lunacy Justin and Chris were giving them.

"So I see you've taken on a new job, right guys?" The camera focused in on Carson, who was speaking. His voice had light laughter in it intertwined with his attempt at seriousness. "Mack daddies," he pronounced forcefully into the camera. The room erupted in laughter, Justin and Chris included, their senses of humor not forgotten. "Let's see what the rest of 'N Sync thinks about this," Carson said into the microphone before the camera turned away.

The camera focused in on the rest of 'N Sync: JC, Lance, and Joey. They were laughing like the rest of the people, the mikes they each held were clutched to their bodies. "Nah, nah, Carson," countered Justin. "It ain't like dat. We still 'N Sync. But we can love all these ladies here. Right ladies?" The crowd cheered because of course 99% were female. The other 1% however were of questionable nature.

Carson pretended to sigh. "Oh, get up here guys- all of you. Justin and Chris- I know it was lonely for you guys... all work, no play...mm-hmm..." Halle had to laugh despite herself at Carson's veiled sexual innuendo. Was TRL always like this? She might have to watch more often.

The cameras caught Justin and Chris walking back towards the aisle as well as the guys walking up to the front. It was now that Halle saw what JC was wearing. He had donned a lightweight pullover sweater in textured gray and dark denim jeans. The ensemble was simple within itself, but simplicity suited him to a tee. He looked... incredible, as he always did to her eyes. Love was blind.

The camera focused on all the guys, now sitting down on wooden stools with Carson standing at the opposite end of them, slightly at an angle. "So your new album is coming out in a week, 'No Strings Attached'. We're looking forward to that."

"Yeah," answered Lance. "May 21st, in stores..."

"Finally!" shouted a Carson on crack. "The long awaited album!"

The guys chuckled. Carson went on. "We've been getting so much mail about it: questions, comments... it was overwhelming."

Justin smiled. "You know Carson. I'd like to thank all our fans for their mind-boggling support. It's been a wonderful contribution, helping us through good times and the bad... there were a lot of bad times. You've been there for us and without we, the fans, we might not still be 'N Sync." Justin looked at the camera and the studio audience seemed to let out one collective sigh.

"When you say 'bad times', Justin," asked Carson. "You mean the recent legal battle involving 'N Sync?"

Justin nodded and Chris piped up. "They wanted to take away our name, but we will always be 'N Sync."

"Always," confirmed Joey, agreeing with Chris's words.

"You guys are okay now then?" she asked.

Lance nodded. "We're with Jive now."

"So I heard. Home of the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears?"

The 'N Sync members looked at each other and smirked. "Correct."

Carson looked at all of them suspiciously. "I'm not even going to ask what that was all about." 'N Sync couldn't even hold back their laughter any longer.

"You got it all wrong Carson!" Lance exclaimed.

Carson was now laughing with them. "We've got to get to your number two video anyway. More with 'N Sync later, so stay tuned. Guys, would you do the honors of presenting the next one?" Carson turned over his card to show them.

"At number 2 today on TRL..." started Lance.

"Backstreet Boys, 'Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely'!" they all shouted together, reading the card.

In silence, she watched the Backstreet Boys video they had cut to. So this was 'N Sync's competition. She actually knew a bit about them. They had always seemed to be more well-known than 'N Sync, older too. Before the Starbucks/'N Sync idea she actually posessed some iota of who the Backstreet Boys were while she couldn't have cared less about 'N Sync. She'd never even heard of them. Well, now she could honestly say that they did nothing for her. Their video was.. detached. And so was she. She was waiting for 'N Sync to reappear. Her patience was wearing thin.

The tape cut to commercial after the Backstreet Boy's video. She waited and she waited and she waited. She'd never known commercials to be so terribly long and boring. She felt as if they were purposely dragging it out in suspense and torture of another. She sat idly on her bed, remote in one hand, a pillow clutched in the other. The room was awash in darkness. Only the lights of the TV pranced across the walls. And finally, Halle had enough. She pushed the fast forward button.

Fast forward to her future, fast forward to her past. 'N Sync had been and gone. This was history. She pressed play quickly, watching the picture pop onto the screen, afraid she had gone too far. Yet she was not ready for the image that appeared on the screen in a moment's time, no warning. She didn't know if she'd ever be ready. She had gone too far and not far enough yet. And there he was.

"JC, man, we haven't picked on you yet. What's up? You've been silent all this time," Carson commented.

The picture focused in on the young man as he brought the microphone to his lips. "Yes," he answered dumbly, not knowing what else to say. "I just had some things on my mind."

"Like what?" inquired Carson, prying as he would.

JC looked uneasy for a second and cleared his throat before continuing. "Umm, the album that's about to come out- all new music for the fans."

"Yah," answered Carson. "And we all a taste from 'Bye, Bye, Bye'. It's been a huge success." He turned to the studio audience. "Wouldn't you say girls?" As Halle expected, the screams were deafening. She was highly irate at the fans sometimes, though mostly she ignored them. What prompted them to act so? Was there some phase or chemical they received that justified such senseless acts of idiocy? Like screaming every time 'N Sync was mentioned. It was getting old.

Carson turned back to JC, whom he had singled out. "By the way, 'Bye, Bye, Bye' was doing very well here on TRL before we retired it as well as on the charts despite the fact that you guys put no commercial single out. The success is unprecedented, unbelievable. Was there any reason you chose to release this song first off the album?"

JC looked uncomfortable, not sure of what to say. "In my opinion, it's just an overall great song. Its about a rough break- up and I think everyone can relate to that." He recited the words mechanically, saying what was expected of him.

"Can you relate to it?" asked Carson, pushing over the line and knowing it. "Have you said 'Bye, Bye, Bye' to anyone?"

The question made JC freeze, it was apparent to Halle. He blinked a few times to regain his composure. His voice was quiet when he spoke. "Yes, I can relate to it. But I didn't say good-bye."

At his words, the whole audience seemed to crumple. Halle could hear the aww's in the background coming from the studio audience.

Carson belted out a laugh. "So it was her who said good-bye? I'm sorry man!"

JC shook his head. "She didn't say good-bye either. That was the problem," he whispered.

An overwhelming feeling of regret came over Halle before she could stop it. A tear slipped uninvited down her cheek. She was so sorry... so unbelievably sorry. If she could take it back, she would, in a second. But she couldn't. Time would not go back for anyone, let alone her. Now she couldn't imagine a night without tears.

-*-*-*-

"Josh?" Kel peeked around the door into the living room of the apartment and found the little boy staring intently at the television from his position on the floor. Curiously, she stepped into the room to see what he was watching, and slowly her jaw hit the ground.

It was 'N Sync on some MTV show, the camera being focused on JC. He was in town, Kel realized, and if the show was live that meant that he was still in town. Quickly, well-oiled gears in her head began turning. She loved the way her mind worked. It was for the best.

"Josh, honey, is this on now?" Kel asked inquiringly, stepping closer to the little boy to see the TV screen.

"No, Aunt Kel," the little boy replied. "It's my tape. Blue was on TV and I taped it." The boy was a whiz with the VCR now. She wondered what it would be like when he got his hands on other machines. Probably drive the two women nuts, even though he wouldn't mean to.

"Today?" she questioned.

Josh nodded in reply. "He was here yesterday too! But today they're hosting the show." He went back to watching his tape, engrossed in it.

Slowly a cat-like grin spread over her face. Maybe her friend wouldn't have to be miserable after all. Not if Kel could help it.

-*-*-*-

"Hello?" Halle picked up the phone in her office. The day was slipping too just as the sun slipped into the horizon. But Halle was still at work, even though it was after five and well into the evening. She was working late tonight.

"Hey, Hal," Kel's voice chirped.

"Kel? Is everything OK?" Halle suddenly became concerned; it wasn't like Kel to call , she knew Halle was working late. It wasn't like Kel to call, period.

"I was just wondering what you were doing tonight," Kel replied.

"Well, I was planning on going out and partying all night," Halle answered

sarcastically into the phone. Kel knew her better than that. "Kel, what do you think I'm doing tonight?"

"Knowing you, probably going to come home, eat dinner, and mope a bit."

"Oh, you're so funny," Halle said cynically.

"I know," Kel chuckled. "But seriously, what do you say you and me catch a movie?"

"A movie? On a weeknight?"

"Why not? It's not like we have to go to school in the morning."

"You do."

"That's beside the point."

"I dunno..."

"C'mon Hal. Just promise me you won't sit on your butt all night," Kel coaxed.

"Okay, okay."

"Good. What time will you be home?"

"Geez, what's with all the questions? If you wanna do something, go and do it, Kel," Halle shook her head. "You're a grown woman. You don't need me to come with you everywhere."

"What time will you be home?" Kel asked again, ignoring her friend's remark.

"Well, you know I'm working late. Say around six-thirty? Unless you keep me on the line longer. Then I'll have to make up the time."

"Fine, fine," Kel said hurredly as soon as she got the detail out of Halle that she needed.. "See you later," she said to Halle as she hung up the phone. She smiled. Good. She's not going out tonight, Kel thought to herself. Her plan was working perfectly, just one other thing she needed to do....

She then proceeded to make another call.

-*-*-*-

JC didn't usually ignore his phone, but today he just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. He was right; New York wasn't friendly to him. Just being in the same city made him miserable, no matter what the other guys said. Would he talk to Halle during this visit? His optimism was slowly dwindling.

His heart was aching. He was so close to her right now. He could literally take a cab and get to wherever she was. But to JC, she was so far away. Her heart was not his, nor was it open to him at all. She had made that statement clear when she left Orlando, leaving him behind without saying anything to him. But he still loved her, and love her he

would until. . .

Beep. Beep. Beep. JC sighed and glanced down at his watch. It was 6:23, and he wondered who would be calling him now. After the TRL taping, the five guys went their separate directions. Chris and his girlfriend went off to dinner, Justin and Joey went out clubbing, and Lance went back to the hotel, complaining of a headache. Unless it was

urgent, he knew it couldn't be one of them.

Beep. Beep. Beep. The phone's incessant ring continued. Doesn't this person know when to give up? And why isn't my voicemail picking up? JC thought bitterly to himself. All he wanted was a little time to think, that was all he asked, just a little time. Was that too much? His next move... what would that be?

He had pretty much ruled out everything. Nothing, he thought, could win Halle back. Not anymore at least. So why was he still there, and how had the guys managed to convince him to come? Well, he assumed, it was part of his duty as a member of the group to appear with them at their functions, and TRL had been one of them. Yes, duty, that was what it was. Who was he kidding? He knew the truth. They knew the truth. They knew he knew. So why had he come anyway?

Beep. Beep. Beep. Sighing, JC picked up the phone. It had better be important or this person was in for a rude surprise.

"Hello?" he answer gruffly, somewhat cross and very annoyed.

"Well hello to you, too, Mr. Chasez," the voice replied chipperly.

"Kel?" he exclaimed in amazement, his tone changing in a split second within hearing her voice.

"Wow, great memory for someone who hasn't stopped by in a while," Kel whistled.

"Nice to hear from you, too," a slow smile spread on JC's face. He didn't know too much about Kel, but he liked her. Her forward and outgoing personality drew him in like it did everyone else, and the fact that she was Halle's best friend made her all the more appealing. "What's going on?"

"How fast can you make it to the apartment?" she asked.

"Why? Is something wrong?" JC suddenly became worried. Why was Kel calling him? Why not Halle? Was everything all right?

"Just... we need you down here as soon as you can get here. I know you're in town and all..." She gave no specifics, but her tone sounded slightly urgent.

"Kel, just tell me... are they OK?"

"JC, just get down here," Kel sighed.

"I'll be there in a few minutes." He snapped his phone shut and ran out of the building at a speed he himself didn't even believe he could muster. He stood by the corner and impatiently one of the bright yellow cabs that was driving by, almost jumping right in front of it to make it stop. There was no time to lose and all his mind could think about were Halle and Josh. Safely inside, he hurredly gave the cab driver directions and the asked him to get there as fast as he could. One would have to be deaf to miss the urgency in JC's voice. He looked at the young man sitting in the seat behind him, every muscle in his face tense and filled the worry. It didn't take much more for the cab driver to step on it.

It was getting dark when the cab finally pulled up to Halle's familiar building, but JC took no notice of the darkness. His mind was focused on one thing. He quickly paid the taxi-driver and ran to the complex. Deciding that it would be much faster running up the stairs than waiting for an elevator, JC took the stairs two steps at a time, the adrenaline keeping him going all the way up eleven flights of stairs.

Gaining his breath back, he knocked heavily on the door. He heard voices, but nothing familiar or coherent, which made him worry even moor. Slowly the door opened to his worried face.

His breath was once-again taken away as Halle stood in front of him, something he would have never expected in a million years. She was still so beautiful. Nothing had changed about her, and his heart fluttered. It had been so long since he had last seen her, really seen her... too long ago.

"Halle," he let out in a breath, not even thinking anymore.

She was just as surprised to see him. "JC?" she managed to get out, her voice hoarse. "Wh - what are you doing here?"

"Kel - said it was urgent," JC said, confused. He heard no screaming, no crying. In fact, if he hadn't known better, he would've thought that they were perfectly fine without him. And maybe they are, he thought bitterly.

"Did you?" Halle's head snapped around, turning to where Kel's figure loomed behind her.

Kel smiled at JC and shoved Halle out of the way. "Forgive my friend," she apologized, holding the door open for JC to enter. "She's forgotten her manners."

Confused, JC walked into the apartment. "Blue!" a tiny figure came running up to him. JC knelt down and embraced Josh, holding him tight.

"Can someone please explain to me what's going on?" Halle demanded, furious.

"I don't know," Kel said, narrowing her eyes at her friend. "Why don't you and JC talk about it and figure out what's going on?" she suggested using a voice that seemed like it could only belong to Suzy Homemaker.

Halle stood gaping at Kel. "I don't think that's necessary," Halle said icily.

Too bad she didn't looked at JC, or she would have seen him wince.

"Look, Kel..." he said.

"JC?" Kel shot him a look.

"I think I'd better be going. It's obvious I shouldn't be here..."

"Wait!" said Halle loudly. "Don't leave on account of me."

"Don't leave, period," said Kel. "You know you don't want to."

"It's not up to me," he stated.

"Don't leave, Blue," Josh said, putting in his own plea. "I want you to stay."

"There," said Kel satisfied. "Good enough for you?" she asked both of them. Halle's face was made of stone. She had never felt more awkward in her life.

"Then I'll leave," Halle said. JC shrank even more at that.

Halle was too irrational to even see what she was doing. She walked off in a huff and grabbed her purse, leaving the rest of them shocked at her actions.

"Don't do this, Halle," said Kel as Halle reached the door, about to pull it open. "I'm begging you. You know you need to speak to him. He's right here. Why not now?"

Halle stopped. She couldn't go forward. She took a deep breath. "Where you in on this too?" she asked. She addressed no one in particular, but they all knew she was speaking to JC.

"He wasn't, I swear," said Kel quickly. "I called him and told him to come over here. I didn't even say what for. If you need to hold someone accountable, I'm your woman. I take full responsibility."

"I wasn't planning to let you off easy anyway," Halle said, resentful. "Who gave you permission to run my life?"

"You did," Kel answered smoothly.

"I did?!" Halle exclaimed. "When did I tell you this? Refresh my memory, please. I seem to be going senile."

Kel's voice was sad. "You didn't need to tell me, Hal. I just had to look into your eyes."

Halle didn't know what to say, only stood there.

"Halle," said Kel.

"What?" she answered, not sure as to how she should be feeling.

"I'm not sorry."

Halle shook her head. "I know you're not."

Kel nodded her head firmly. "Now don't make yourself sorry." She turned to JC. "Go on, she's waiting for you."

He looked hesitantly at Halle then back at Kel. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Of course," she answered, taking Josh's little hand from hers. "Don't ya want your mommy and Blue to take a nice walk, Josh?"

He nodded his little head. He knew he had to agree though he didn't quite understand.

Kel nodded too. "That's my big boy," she said to Josh, proud.

JC quickly ruffled Josh's head and went to Halle where she stood motionless, waiting for him. When he caught up to her she procceeded out the door. She didn't know where they were going, but it was somewhere quiet, somwhere they could talk. They'd be all right if they could all act like Josh, but adulthood has a way of destroying that, molding the mind, closing it off. Kel prayed they found the courage to open theirs.

-*-*-*-

The night air was cool even though it was spring, no rays to warm the air. They walked by the light of the pale moon, tingeing their figures a celestial blue. Halle looked up, away, around, anywhere but JC's face. She couldn't bear to see his face, not right now. The moon, so high, seemed so big and bright, a wide eye. She wondered if it were looking at them.

And New York... New York never slept, but tonight it seemed surprisingly quiet... serene. But that was the night. The night did not touch them. Its serenity did not replay in her heart. But in the air between them, its silence did. They had walked across the street to Central Park.

She lowered her head. She knew she didn't want to do this; the time wasn't right. It was the oldest excuse in the book, she knew. But would it ever be right? Or would she forever cower in the shadows? Yet she felt as if she owed him this, just this little courtesy. Here she was clasping her hands. From under her hair, head bowed, she stole a glance at him through the corners of her eyes. She felt petty, but she did it anyway. She didn't understand him, why he wasn't screaming at her, yelling at her, hating her. She'd broken his heart... and he had let her.

She could hear his breath: steady. She could hear his footsteps: steady. And now she was torn. She wanted to hear his heart. She was scared to listen... of what she might hear. JC's calm proved unnerving to her. She didn't know what to make of it. His silence said more than words could say... too much. She wondered if she was supposed to understand. What was he thinking? Maybe he did detest her. She wanted him to. She'd feel a little better that some semblance of justice had been carried out. It was the least of what she deserved and she knew it. Her breath caught in her throat. Her own heart was beating a little too fast and feeling a little too heavy for her chest. She couldn't take it any more.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out, breaking the silence that pounded in her ears. He had seemed to be saying something at the same time, but he shut his mouth as the air was filled with her voice.

For the first time since they'd begun, he allowed himself to look at her. Instantly, worry filled him. She looked distressed. He did not want her to be distressed, but he carefully hid his emotions. "For what?" he asked, his voice low, telling of nothing but a question.

She looked straight into his eyes, her sorrow filling his too. "For not saying good-bye."

The breath he held was astonishing. There was nothing he could say; no words. How many times had he thought about this? How many times had he wracked his brain, over and over, shady reasons filling his head and tears clouding his eyes? How many times? But one day, he had stopped. A month after she had gone, he just stopped. He could find no reason. There was nothing left to do, but accept. So he had. And he had gone on to where he was today. He was not ready, not prepared. What could he possibly say?

She took his silence into account and quickly made him an exit. "You don't have to say anything... Just know I'm sorry. Blame me."

She quickly looked up to see what his reaction might be. She had swallowed her pride. She had said she was sorry. She wondered if it meant anything to him. Every minute of silence caused her to bite her lip harder and try not to cry. He said not a word about wanting her back. Maybe he didn't.

"I...." he started, but couldn't finish.

Hope filled her. She looked up at him hesitantly, waiting for him to go on. But no sound penetrated the barrier of silence between them. She bit back her hope, dimming her eyes. "Were you saying something before?" she asked softly, looking down to the ground and swallowing her tears before looking back up at him. She remembered now that he had been trying to say something when she had so rudely interrupted him.

He shook his head though. "It's not important."

But she would do anything to escape the silence that permeated the air. "No, tell me," she insisted.

"It's a stupid question. It's not really... appropriate."

"What is?"

Good question. He shrugged. "Hi, how are you?" That was his line. He didn't really expect an answer. The air had gone still.

"I'm okay. How about you?" The truth was, she wasn't okay, but she had decided it was better this way, better that he never know. She knew he didn't want her and didn't want to know. Small talk was all the question had entailed. She was beginning to pour the cement that would separate them, or at least her. She was finding it hard to do. Mere distance hadn't worked. She needed closure.

"As well as can be expected." The words weren't natural, instead carefully chosen. They didn't just come. He wished they had, because maybe then the truth would have appeared, but he simply couldn't do it. She'd hidden from the truth, his truth, a long time ago. And now, he didn't want to scare her away.

Halle was alarmed. That was it, 'As well as can be expected.' There were no words of love, no words of missing her, no words of anger, of sorrow, of pain, of hatred: the words Halle longed to hear for they contained some emotion, some clue. Just one sign is all she asked, just one sign out of JC to tell her what she should do, what actions she could take to make all that she had wronged, right. But apparently JC did not care enough to be mad.

Halle had been dealt her hand of cards and in it there was no JC. She suddenly felt as if something had crushed her heart and was smothering it. He had done the worst possible thing he could have done. Instead of hating her, being angry at her, JC had done the only thing left: he had left too. She had left him without saying good-bye and had not returned. He waited for her, she was sure of it, but she hadn't reappeared. So he had left too, left her. And it was all her fault. He'd said his good-bye.

Not in so many words as in gestures, but the evidence was there. He'd made no move to come and see her. When he did see her fleeting figure, he nodded- that was all. He seemed to stay as much out of her way as she did his. It was torture on her heart, her soul, her mind, but it wasn't his fault. He just came to see Josh, not her. She couldn't keep him from Josh. It wouldn't be fair.

But JC- he'd let her go. He didn't need her, or want her. She put him through enough to make him curse her name forever. Yet all he did was nod, not hate her like he should. He was too kind, too courteous to hate her. It was enough to make her curse him, because he wasn't being fair. Such a travesty of justice... He had every right to despise her. It would only be fair if he did. Yet he didn't. All he did was nod. Halle told herself this was what she had always wanted. Yet what came of that sinking feeling she felt that she was deluding herself?

And here they were, two people walking along this distance together in the moonlight. Yet never had they been farther apart. Halle believed JC did not want her. JC believed Halle did not want him. Scared that it might be too soon, scared that it might be too late- neither understood. They were blind to their very own hearts.

JC looked up at the sky for a moment. The calm in the air did not mirror his soul. It was nature's tempest raging inside his heart, though for that moment, it seemed to go absolutely still. He felt odd, odd being out here, being here with Halle. It had been so long. Yet he had not forgotten it, the tingling of his body close to hers, the shoots and the sparks that arose every time her fingertips brushed across him. That is why he kept his distance. A repeat of that and he might not be able to maintain control. How he was doing it now even was a mystery.

But Halle, Halle looked miserable. He wondered why. He was doing all he could to ensure that she could be happy. He had kept his interference in her life minimal. That was what he expected she wanted. Did she want him to go away now? His mind quickened at the possibility, while his heart sank to think that even a walk with him was so detestable. He knew Kel's intentions had been good, that she had done what she thought was right, but she wasn't Halle. And she shouldn't have made her come when she didn't want to. But he felt selfish. These minutes- he admitted to himself that he wanted them, even if they were few. Why? That was certainly a question. He craved her.

Friendly- he wanted it to be friendly. Friendlier than it had been. Friendly took effort. He cleared his throat, preparing the speak.

"Did you get the tickets?" he asked. Perhaps it was involuntary. The words just fell out of his mouth and slipped off his tongue without thought. Had he thought about it, it might have not gotten past his lips. But how long had he been thinking about this? The tickets... he remembered the day he put her name on the list.

It had been a spur of the moment thing. He had never planned on inviting her, though in his heart he knew he wanted to. It violated the rules though, the rules of the game they now played. It was simple, really, the game. It was called 'Ignore', the name being self-explanatory, and so far, the players seemed to be coping. But neither of them really wanted that. And on a whim, JC had closed his eyes and scrawled her name on the list, knowing that deep inside existed the hope that she might come.

Of course, he had never meant to ask her about the tickets and put her on the spot. It should be her decision. He couldn't fault her either way. It was all his doing; he had invited her of course. If she didn't come... there was no one he could blame but himself. And fleetingly, he wondered if he had set himself up for disappointment.

He trembled slightly as he waited for her answer.

"Yes." The voice was clear in the night, her voice. But there was nothing he could decipher from just a word. It was coolly unfamiliar, no clues to her heart. He hesitated, wondering if he should go on. Did he want to know? His breathing was a bit unsteady. His eyes could light with hope, but time had taught him caution and respect for the boundaries that had be drawn by an invisible hand. He knew his boundaries, he most certainly did. Would he overstep them?

"Are you coming?" His heart sped up as he said it. This had been a conscious decision. Maybe not one of his better ones.

Her intake of air was quick. It was this question she dreaded. "JC..."

He closed his eyes. "Don't answer that," he whispered. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, trying to regain himself. "It's your decision after all."

He gave a fake smile. "I just thought it would be nice. I mean I know how Josh loves to see me perform and since it's an appearance, not a concert, he'll be able to hear better because there won't be so much screaming... and see better too." The lies rolled off his tongues like oil. It was better than the truth as he saw it. "I sent three tickets because... Kel's never seen a concert and I knew you wouldn't let Josh come alone." It made sense, she was very protective of Josh.

"Yes..." she agreed, not thinking of anything else she could say.

"Right," he hurried on. "So that explains it." He was nervous and rushed his sentences, hoping to make a quick cover for his slip of tongue.

Meanwhile, her heart had plummeted. She thought he wanted nothing more than for Josh to come and see him. She had just been an "afterthought", it hadn't been her he had wanted. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes , but she blinked them back before he could notice and turned her back to him, staring up into the dark sky and holding her arms protectively around her as if trying to shield herself from the pain.

"Thank you so much for the invitation. It was very... kind of you." She swallowed thickly before going on. "But I don't think I'll be able to make it. I have, umm... work to attend to." Her back was to him and she couldn't see how his face fell. She could only feel her heart breaking once more. She closed her eyes and turned around, placing a soft smile on her lips that she didn't feel. "But Josh can come. I trust Kel enough to let him travel with her. Maybe you can all go out and spend some time together after the appearance, show him some sights." She paused, taking a deep breath and trying to steady herself. "You'll take good care of him... won't you?"

"Of course," he answered. He should have felt happier as he tried to smile at her. So this was how it was going to be. Josh was to be the last remnant of Halle that JC would have. JC could not look at him without remembering her. But he should be grateful, she was letting him have this, this little bit of her. For Josh, JC was happy. Josh would be the one thing they shared, their love for him. All right, so be it. He would try his best to handle it... and love the little boy with all his heart.

The ground beneath them seemed to be the only thing that held them steady. The world seemed too small for the both of them and yet too large for them to handle. They didn't know what to do, their minds drew a blank.

Halle gathered herself up and forced herself to reason. They hadn't gotten very far in the park and stood stationary on the path now. Halle couldn't stand this silence, and neither could he. She couldn't stand there any longer feeling... unworthy. "Let's go inside," she suggested quietly, her eyes staring at her feet.

He nodded. It seemed like a good idea. "I need to leave soon. I have a flight to catch." Weren't they always flying away from each other?

She nodded slowly and pursed her lips. She was close to tears though she would not let them fall, not now. She remained dry-eyed for he would never know she cried for him, she would never tell him. She closed herself off. Closure didn't feel like closure. "Say your good-byes," she whispered, before walking ahead of him. So he would say good-bye. It was more than she had ever done. She shook her head. He was the good guy and she was the villain she had never wanted to be. Good-bye would now say more than it ever had.

-*-*-*-